Quarter 1 done
Well, thats the first quarter sorted and out of the way, do we cheer, no, there is no banner waving through this yet. We strike it off the calendar, heads down and move on.
Simon would say we get into our “battle rhythm”, you need to, but its hard. I think we both found cycle 2 a challenge, there are a mix of things that make it this way. Tablets taken at 0800 and 1800 following a meal, we are strict with this routine, particularly the morning as this dictates the whole day. When people ask about the chemo Simon is on and you say tablet form there appears to be in some people a look of “oh thats not too bad then”, tablets can’t be as bad as an IV infusion. Chemo comes in various forms ALL ARE PRETTY SHIT! When I say tablets, 10 a day, the size of which you do wonder whether swallowing or inserting is the correct method of administration.
The last few days were tough, Simon would sit with a drink and tablets looking at them and I know just taking them is difficult. There have been days when he has wanted to give up, but I won’t let him. I remind him of how far we have come, how brilliant he has been, how amazing, resilient he is. We brush ourselves off, we look forward and move on.
We intersperse moments with “things”, breakfast in Tavistock, driving out somewhere, pottering in the garden (when did we get so old we “potter”). Last weekend we went to see Simons Mum, if you know Simon you will know his love for Cornwall runs through his core. The Cornish air, and an evening of eating home made pasties at his Mums did us both the world of good. We were able to enjoy the sunshine, visit family and these beauties who are residing in his Mums fields.
We also took in some of the sights, Cornwall did its best to look amazing!
From a wife perspective
Simon and I have been married for 25 months, of that time he has been in what I would say “active cancer treatment” for 14 of those, those 11 months in the middle we were able to do “stuff”, which included a well deserved holiday…….. well 9 days in Barbados, where we arrived with the tail end of one hurricane and greeted a second one whilst we were there…….. however, we took waterproof ponchos (for some reason he is always prepared for anything!) which came in handy. And we laughed a lot. We tend to do that when the going gets tough.
I am just going to put this out there………. I AM FINDING IT HARD! Juggling work life, and home life is difficult. I do not have the easiest job in the world, but I was reminded this week by a colleague that however bad things were at home I need to work and so I need to get on with it, thanks for that! Their words came on a day when I was trying to explain that Simon had managed to get from the bed to the settee, was feeling very unwell and I was struggling, I had meetings all day and was very concerned how he was. I wasn’t asking for sympathy, neither of us have ever wanted that, however empathy or just letting me talk would have been helpful at that moment. My head and my heart are battling this dilemma on a daily basis. So I have got that off my chest now, sorry for that.
Things you need when being the dutiful wife:
- Things to do book, every day he has a list of chore, that he has to cross off when complete, and those that are not are carried over to the following day (tough love rules).
- “Find Friends” handy little app on my phone so I know where he is if he tells me he is going out somewhere, honest i’m not spying on him.
- Ability to sit through the random programmes he has recorded, ‘Nazi Megastructures, The World at War’ , all things ‘NASA” related, the life of a house brick (I did make the last one up but I want you to feel my pain)
Still this wife is fighting, I would go to the ends of the earth to enable this man to beat this, to feel right, so we can feel normal again.
Well, the sun is out, its Sunday and we are going to enjoy the day.
Cycle 3 starts in 4 days, we have bloods and appointment this week, so before he catches me on here, have a good one TTFN.