Cycle 2 Day 2 – ‘Im Dreaming of a White Christmas’

So thats the first cycle in the bag, officially 1/8 of the way through the treatment plan. To be honest, it had its moment but it wasn’t too bad. If they are all like that then things will be bearable (wishful thinking on my part).

The gods were certainly shining on me (literally) as my week off coincided with our early  (and short lived) summer. I made the most of the unfettered sunshine and caught up on all those jobs around the garden that have been waiting for me over the winter months.

Theres also something pleasing  about ‘the first cut’ of the lawn as it heralds the move into spring, and this year was no different. Taking out the mower from its winter hibernation I opened the choke, and with one pull of the cord the Honda  4 stroke roared into life. Being an OCD type of person stripes in the lawn are of course obligatory, and it was during the mowing of the  hypnotising up and down stripes that I recalled the last time I had treatment during the summer months. During this time  mowing the lawn I was so fatigued that I could only manage 1 or 2 ‘up and downs’ before having to go inside for a lay down and a rest. As ever I wasn’t  going to be beaten and after many hours the lawns were mown.

An impromptu BBQ  added to a fantastic week, just sitting outside in the evening sun with the birds tweeting away was just divine.


As I came inside to retrieve the marinated chicken fillets from the fridge on opening the door there were 3 bottles of Peroni beer staring at me invitingly.

I paused momentarily with my hand hovered over the cold inviting bottle. In my head I was replaying the ‘user instructions for Little Simon’  “Avoid beer and other hop related drinks as severe wind and fluid output will result”……

Stuff it! ‘Publish and be damned’ to steal a well used phrase. It tasted so good, Moroccan chicken and chilled Peroni were perfect partners, the first bottle didn’t really touch the sides, and to be honest the lid was popped off the second bottle faster than you could say ‘you’ll regret it’….

And indeed I did regret it.

Up most of the night I crouched over the toilet venting either ‘beer hop gas’  or releasing fermented beer juice from Little Simon. Oh well, it was worth it.

Also last week I  finished one of the discrete work projects that I have been working on in-between cycles and drove to the site near Bath to run-through the project with the team at the location.

It was a fantastic drive up across the moors, and even the normally monotonous and depressing trip up the M5 took on a more pleasing feel in the cloudless sky.

I had even sorted my ‘playlist’ from the iPod to listen to on the drive up. All was going well , and as I drove through the security gate “London Calling’ by the Clash was belting out at full volume. As I lowered my window to show my security pass  the iPod decided (as it randomly does occasionally) to default to “Now Thats what I Call Christmas” , moreover in this instance ‘Im Dreaming a White Christmas’ by good ‘ol’ Bing himself.

With both hands being occupied with steering wheel and pass respectively I had no opportunity to mute or switch to the radio. Embarrassingly as the security guard leant in to tell me there was ‘restricted parking’ he was battling against “Just like the ones we used to know”. He stopped mid flow, and in  a fit of embarrassment I swiftly did up the  window and fled  through the gate narrowly avoiding a major security breach in doing so.

At any other time I would be dwelling on the embarrassment of this for many minutes, but not today, oh no , the sun was shining I was feeling good,  and on top form!

Neither was I phased when, presenting at the front of the conference room facing my  team Little Simon decided to let out the most enormous ‘wet fart’ just as the point I was using a silent pause in my dialogue to gain maximum impact. Oh it certainly had an impact, just not the one I set out to achieve.

In a mischievous way I love it seeing the reaction from people when Little Simon ‘performs’ during conversation. It ranges from;

  • Pretending nothing has happened
  • Looking embarrassed
  • Stifling a giggle
  • Laughing out loud

I am more concerned for other peoples embarrassment than mine, frankly it doesn’t bother me at all, although I find the best way to ‘defuse’ the situation with a  humourus tone is to look accusingly at the other person and say “Was that you?”


Tomorrow – ‘Houston we have a problem’….




Cycle 1 – Day 15 ‘Sweet as the moment the pod went pop!’


Cycle 2 – Houston we have a problem


  1. Steve Boot

    Ha, you blaming other people for your farts is not new!
    Sounds like you had a good “intermediate” week. It made me laugh when I read that you deliberately disregarded the advice to avoid beer; you wally. You were mentioned at Peggy Shaw’s retirement lunch today. Lots of people who know you sending best wishes. Good luck for cycle 2. Steve and Marie

    • Simon

      Thanks Steve, sorry to see a Peggy go. We worked together loads on Armada.
      I sticking to whiskey now…. no more beer 😮

  2. Mel

    Well you did better than me my first cut started with trying to start the lawn mower failing miserably, kicking it several times, swearing lots then phoning a friend only to watch with embarrassment as they started it first time hey ho at least the lawn eventually got cut!

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