+5 days – “Run Forest Run!”

I want you to picture that scene in your head, not that one that’s the box of chocolates scene that other infamous scene, not that one either, that’s the bench scene, no the one where Forest finally breaks free of his callipers. Well that was me yesterday!, no of course I wasn’t wearing callipers before you think that, but metaphorically I was Forest Gump breaking out of the callipers and running free and unencumbered.

For callipers read ‘Drains and NG tube’. Following a visit from Mr Cecil in the morning sufficient progress had been made to have these necessary but nevertheless extremely uncomfortable additions removed.

I wouldn’t want to deceive you by suggesting that the removal of the drains was pain free, in fact the polar opposite, the closest thing that I can think of for you is imagine someone pulling string of beads across your internal abdominal area very quickly out though a small hole. Over in an instant but boy I don’t think I have ever screamed so much in my life. Sister was fantastic though and her suggested deep breathing technique worked for 1 of the 4 drains. When tears begin to run down from your cheeks you know that you are smarting.

The NG tube was an altogether different proposition, to be honest I was so glad to be shot of it that I was willing to endure any amount of discomfort. As it turned out I needn’t to have worried .

One long steady stroke and that bad boy was removed, instant relief obtained, and for good behaviour was promoted to the rank of ‘Free Fluids’ with the reward of Ice Cream.

I am working toward my next promotion which will take me to the dizzy heights of ‘soft food’ I questioned what this was with my fellow inmates, apparently this involves ‘mash & gravy’ . I am truly blessed with such culinary delights, but oh for small mercies.

I am pleased with the progress so far, and can see small but significant improvements.I don’t think the British Olympic team are going to be knocking on my door any time soon but you have to start somewhere, my target by week one is ‘6 circuits of the ward’. This may be hubris on my part as tomorrow my pain Linus blanket in the form of the Fentanyl Epidural gets removed, we shall see…..

I’m mean time I am learning to come to terms with my new attachment (Stoma), may as well get used to it as ignoring it is not going to make it go way.

Tomorrow… Mrs C attempts to wash my hair and there’s a cat in my bed.